Ya know, sometimes you just gotta laugh at life. Doug's brother is visiting from Kansas City on his way back from Australia. Back in May when he was going to Australia, we were going to pick him up at the airport, spend the day with him and then see him off when he left. Doug went to pick up Al at the airport and our truck was repo'd right there in the airport. Thank goodness for Al who rented a truck that we could all get back home in. Al came in on Sunday coming back from Australia and is staying with us till Wednesday morning. No sooner than we got Al to where we're staying did my borrowed car not start. It hasn't started since Al got here. Once again we're thanking the Goddess for Al who's once again letting us use his rental. I tell ya. At least I know we're being watched over because if the car was going to go, it went at a time we had a rental at our disposal.........either that or Al has to stop visiting us as everytime he does we have a car disaster! LOL.  I prefer to think we're being watched over!

Doug and I don't have access to many of our posessions. We have our computers, an air mattress and books and that's all other than clothes. Our stuff has come to have new value to us as that's all we've got. We're down to our last few $$ that have to last us to the end of the month and realistically, it won't. It just won't.

So I came home night before last and our air mattress has sprung a leak. Argh. It's completely discombobulated and unusable. After one night of sleeping on the floor, we packed it up in the box and took it back to exchange it. We didn't have the receipt, so our fingers were crossed. The manager gave us a bit of trouble but in the end agreed to exchange it. We looked on the shelves and they didn't have the same one we'd had so we settled for what we thought would be less, but hey, it's a bed! We went back up to the counter and because the bed was less than we'd had, we got a $40 credit on a gift card.

WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO

We went shopping!!!!! We now have groceries that will get us through till the end of the month. 

YAY!!

and......................................it's more comfortable than the original bed!

I'm in Kansas now on vacation for the next week and a half. We've been here a week now and am having a great time. I miss my kids like crazy, though. Trace and Chloe had to stay home and go to Summer School and Clinton got a new job the week before we were supposed to leave. Last year on our vacation, it was the Vacation From Hell!!! This year has been much better. I'm doing a lot of "chemo dumping" where my body is getting rid of the chemotherapy and that's uncomfortable and drains me but I'm not letting it ruin the vacation. It's hot and humid here but I SO much prefer it to California. Weather isn't everything. I'll take hot and humid over dirty, smoggy, crowded, noisy and did I say crowded? The weather may be nicer in California but the rest isn't and I can't wait till the kidletts are in college and we can get the hell out of dodge! We went to the Wichita Zoo last week, took the dogs to the lake to swim, walked through the graveyard (I love old graveyards, the history and the sense of time) and last night Doug and I escaped for some privacy and rented a hotel room just to get away and have some time by ourselves. We did some serious talking and I felt a lot closer to him when we came home, it was really nice. I also got to ride on a combine that was cutting wheat. I loved it. I could totally be a country girl. I would of course have to go to the lake every once in a while cuz I'm a water girl at heart, but I love it here!

I'm ready to bang my head on the nearest brick wall. My kid's grades were so bad, I'm embarrassed for them. Ya have to work pretty hard to fail 3 classes. I know part of it was due to my illness, but come the hell on! GRRRRRRRRRRR!  My son will definitely not be returning to the High School where he was attending this year and it makes me sad. He had friends there and he was happy there but he made bad choices. There is zero structure and supervision at his dad's house and that's part of it but he's almost 17, plenty old enough to make the right choices. This mama's heart is sad!!

DAMN this blasted heat! I woke up at 2:00 am nauseated, dizzy and hot as hell. Today I have a heat rash. I'm NOT a happy camper!!

Mom:    You never called me back after the last message I left you.
Me:       No, I didn't on purpose.
Mom:    Why not?
Me:       Because I considered it to be a kick in the teeth.
Mom:    How is me offering Chloe a Lifeguarding class a kick in the teeth?
Me:       Because it's too expensive, it's $600
Mom:    I just thought I'd do something nice for Chloe.
Me:       I can't allow you to spend that kind of money on Chloe when there are more prevalent needs.
Mom:    What else does Chloe need?
Me:       It's not Chloe that has the needs, mom, its us. You cry about how broke you are and yet you remodel your house, take vacations, plan to spend $600 on Chloe and then want to charge me for the gas money it costs you to take Chloe to school when you know I've got $25 that has to last me, Doug and the kids till the end of the month. Putting food on my table is a much more prevelant need than Chloe taking a Lifeguarding class.
Mom:     Well, it was my tax refund money. (which is a bullshit lie, she's retired and hasn't worked in 4 years, she has no income tax refund)
Me:       I don't care where the money came from, I need help feeding my family and you "cry broke" then want to drop almost a thousand dollars on my daughter. THAT is a kick in the teeth.
Mom:    What time did you say you were picking Chloe up on Friday?

Sigh.................some things never change. She never takes responsibility for her actions and she always sweeps things under the rug, changes them to make them fit her justifications in her own twisted mind or makes it out to be my fault. By changing the subject after reiterating that I only had $25 left, she silently confirmed her refusal to help me.

I've decided not to send that letter as it may have repercussions on my daughter. Turns out I didnt' have to get back to my mother either as tryouts were held on Father's Day weekend and Chloe chose to spend Father's Day with her dad instead. Part of  me hated to see her lose out on such an opportunity and the other part was relieved that I didn't have to deal with my mother.

I'm more broke than I care to think about. I'm trying to figure out how to make $35 last till the end of the month. Things will work out, they always do, but meantime my hair continues to fall out! hehehe............and you think I'm kidding!

Father's Day was good. I called my dad and invited him to go to the Wampler Family Reunion in Kansas and he's going to go. I'm a little nervous as I hope he's not bored to tears for the entire 2 weeks, but I think he'll be ok. I think it meant a lot to him just to be wanted and invited. I'm really excited!

Dear Mom,

This has been a long time coming and now I'm finally hurt, angry and disgusted enough to say something to you.

How can you honestly even think about a summer program for Chloe that would cost almost $600? You constantly tell me how broke you are and yet every time I see you, you've done some new improvement on the house. I've lost absolutely everything I had and you were the one person who had the ability to help turn it around for me. Some if it would have cost nothing. When I said I needed a place to stay, you told me that there wasn't room on the couch for both Doug and I and yet you had a spare room. Those boxes could have been moved elsewhere. I could have had a house to live in instead of a room. I'm filing bankruptcy and my truck has been reposessed and yet you've rebuilt the front of your house and now are offering Chloe a summer program that costs almost a thousand dollars. Yes, maybe your house needed the repairs, but as your daughter, am I not more important? Obviously not. It was also quite obvious when you informed Stewart the night of my birthday party that I was just a guest in your house and I wouldn't be allowed to sleep in the living room. A room that was more comfortable and less cold to me than where you wanted me to sleep. I lay on that floor in pain and major discomfort because you wouldn't allow an air mattress in your living room. The moving of your $500 vase was more important to you than your own flesh and blood...although I don't think I've ever, ever been that to you. I remember when I was 18 and you were in the hall bathroom. I was sitting outside the door on the floor and I had just finished telling you that I wanted to keep my child. Your response was, "If you're going to keep your baby then I think it's time for you to find another place to live." I know, you'll deny all this. Do you remember us not talking until after Dan was born. Do you remember Sue Crockett being there instead. Have I ever meant anything to you? Your words of "I love you" are so empty to me after the way that you've treated me at times. I remember the "choosing" after Grandfather Hess' funeral. I remember you having Laura start the choosing and then the following day Stewart started the choosing. On Sunday morning you asked who had gone first so far. When Stewart answered that he and Laura had gone first, you skipped right over me and went back to Laura. I almost walked away at that point. I didn't because Stewart asked me to stay. Even something as small as that is a kick in teeth after a lifetime of being thrown under the bus by you. I don't want your money and if you can't give it to someone, your own daughter, who needs it badly, I'm certainly not going to accept it as frivolity for my daughter. You can keep your money and if I had the means for Chloe to attend summer school without you, I would. I've had enough of your lies about being broke and then watching you spend your money on something materialistic. It's your money and you have every right to do what you want with it but to not help someone in such extreme need and then to offer a summer program costing almost $1000 is just wrong to me be it me or someone else. To have me offer to pay for gas to take my daughter to school because you made such a huge deal about how you couldn't afford the $4 a day for gas and yet turn around and make major repairs to your house and offer a summer school program like that is a complete slap in the face to me. Please don't continue to sing and dance about being broke, you must think I'm pretty stupid!

**********************I haven't sent this yet, I'm not sure if I'm going to. I need to give my mother an answer as to her offer for Chloe. I suppose I'll politely turn it down as I don't want any backlash for my daughter.

I picked my daughter up from school last night and took her out to eat. We had the best time! We ate at Arbys and then walked across the parking lot to go look at a new shoe shop. Meh...not impressed. Then she wanted to go to Shoe City and try on shoes, so we headed over there for about an hour. I think we drove the poor guy nuts. All the trying on and no purchase!! Then we headed back over to my mom's where she's staying till Doug and I can get our own place again. She took me back to her room and showed me her art which was impressive. Then she started showing me all the stuff in her room. She broke my heart when she said, "mom, I'm running out of things to show you but I want to keep showing you more so you'll stay longer." A week ago she asked me to bring my tweezers with me so that next time I saw her, I could teach her how to pluck her eyebrows so, I told her I had the tweezers in the car and ran and got them. We spent the next hour on her eyebrows and she was a mighty happy camper when we were done. She's usually so busy with her ipod in her ears that we don't spend much quality time together. Last night was the first time that she indicated that she was enjoying my company and wanted me to stay. We had a really good time and it felt really good to be wanted by my TEENAGER no less! hehehe

This is my son's best friend and my heart-adopted daughter, S

I LOVE her hair. I'd love to do mine this way but I'd screw up the part and end up looking like a calico cat! Heeeeeeeee