I took the kids to see Christmas lights tonight. It's always been our tradition every year except last year when I was going through chemotherapy and just couldn't walk. We usually go to Naples Island in Long Beach where the houses are on the canal are absolutely beautiful. Million dollar homes are decorated to the hilt and I have just as much fun peeking inside the windows as I do looking at the lights. I love to see how people decorate their homes and often wonder if I had that much money if I would have the same tastes? Tonight we didn't make it to Naples as Trace was really sick with a cold. We went to a neighborhood in Huntington Beach instead that was really nicely decorated. We stopped at the corner 7eleven and I bought everyone hot chocolate and a furlined hat for Trace. We walked the neighborhood and had a really nice time. Poor Trace was pooped, though, by the time we got done. Doug had to work tonight and while I'm extremely grateful for the money, I missed him.

Things like this are almost bittersweet. One one hand I am so grateful to be alive to carry on with my traditions and on the otherhand I find myself reliving the horrible feelings of a year ago. I'm almost glad we didn't make it to Naples tonight as it was an almost eerie, creepy feeling to know I'd beat death for a 3rd time. I'm so acutely aware that most people don't battle cancer 3 times and win and I'm also keenly aware that there most likely will be a next time and that I might not win that battle. I take each day as it comes and I think from here on out I'll change my traditions a little bit from the past so that they're new and fresh for the future!

This  (click on the word "This") is a really cool website! It tells you the songs that were most popular on a certain, particular day:

My Birthday, March 25, 1966 was "The Ballad of the Green Berets" by S/Sgt Barry Sadler

Doug's Birthday, March 10 1965 was "Eight Days a Week" by the Beatles

My Highschool Graduation, June 16, 1984 was "Time after Time" by Cindi Lauper

My oldest son's Birthday, March 11, 1985 was "Can't Fight this Feeling" by REO Speedwagon

My middle son's Birthday, July 31, 1991 was Everything I do (I do it for you)" by Bryan Adams

My daughter's Birthday, October 12, 1992 was "End of the Road" by Boyz II Men

My Wedding Anniversary, March 10, 2008 (yes, we got married on Doug's birthday, his choice lol) was "Love in This Club" by Usher

OMG I laughed so hard I had tears running down my face!! My daughter came home from her dad's house where  she had done some Christmas shopping. She asked me excitedly, "Mom, do you want to see what I got Dad?" Of course I replied. She unwrapped the gift and proudly held up a...............




Flyswatter!!!


OMFG!! My precious daughter!!! ROFLMAO!!!

By Pam Young


I was at Michael's (the craft store) in the late afternoon when I

heard a conversation in the next isle between a mother and her

six-year-old child.


"Oh, Mama, look at this!"


"Uh huh."


"I love this!!"


"Uh huh."


"I have one don't I!!!"


"Uh huh."


"You made it for me didn't you Mama!!!!"


"Uh huh."


As I listened to the excitement and love for her mother in the child's

voice and the drone of her mother's responses, tears welled up in my

eyes. I thought about how many times I'd done the same thing with my

children when they were young. After all, I had a centerpiece to

make, a decoration for the coffee table to think about, colors to

consider, people to impress and not enough time! At that moment in

Michael's I would have given anything to go back to just one time in

the isle of a store, hear my child's voice and not miss what was

really happening. Love, joy adoration. The stuff of Christmas!


My kids are grown now and I'll never again hear their little bell

voices exclaiming their joy over something. That time is gone forever.


I had to get to the next isle and see the child! With tears streaming

down my cheeks, I peeked around the corner and looked at the child's

happy little face. She had a dress on and her hair was dark brown in

shoulder-length curls. She was holding a Christmas stocking with a

Santa Claus on it. She looked up and smiled at me. Then I looked at

her mother. She was tired. I could see it in her eyes but when she

looked into mine she smiled seeing my love for her child and the moment.


I told her what had gone through my mind listening to their

conversation and with misty eyes she said, "Now you're making me cry."

She dabbed her eye with the back of her wrist, "Thank you, I needed

to hear this. I get so busy and it's easy to neglect her natural

enthusiasm." I told the mother it was obvious that the child had not

been neglected, because she was such a happy child, and that I

understood how easy it was to get wrapped up in our own thoughts and

miss these holy moments.


I left Michael's knowing I wanted to write about this. Your children

adore you and they are like little joy dispensers, especially during

this time of year. Since it is also an especially busy time for you,

it can be so easy to miss those gifts of love and joy your children

are eager to give to you. They are gifts that can't be wrapped up

with festive paper or charged on American Express. Stay awake! This

is a holy time.

Merry Christmas!

Pam

The long weekend wasn't as bad as I anticipated. Some of our kids couldn't go to the party and so we didn't have to drive as far. The weekend ended just at the last moment when a child we were babysitting got on my last nerve. Thanksgiving itself was nice. We went to my nephews home and were welcomed with open arms. It's his dad's side of the family as Mark and my sister have been split up for years. Because of the crap that went down in their breakup and the crap that my sister talked about Mark, I've never really gotten to know that side of the family. It was really nice to get to know them without my sister involved! Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving as well!

I'm irritated as hell! Once again the weekend has turned into one looooooooooooooooooong taxi service. Tonight I have to pick up my daughter in Long Beach and my son in Chino. Tomorrow we have to pick up another son who has the misfortune of working on Thanksgiving and he's also in Chino and so another trip to Chino and also to Costa Mesa to pick up another child who can't come to our Thanksgiving till after he's had Thanksgiving with his mother. I'd wait and do it all at once but then the son who's not working will miss out on some of the Thanksgiving festivities. Then we have to go back to Chino and Costa Mesa to take the kids home. Then Saturday is my 2nd cousin's birthday party and that's out in Riverside so once again we have to make the trek to pick up all the kids in Pomona, Chino, Yorba Linda and Costa Mesa and drive out to Riverside. It's an overnight party so then we have to go from Riverside back to Brea and in the morning from Brea to Riverside to Pomona to Chino to Yorba Linda to Costa Mesa to drop them all off and then back to Brea again. This weekend was supposed to be our no-kid weekend when all the kids are at our ex's. It was supposed to be the weekend we spend together relaxing and enjoying our time together since we have so little of it. And of course Doug is working on Friday so I get to do the schlepping for that day.  I resent that Doug wants to do the birthday party thing as it's another huge pain in the ass and because it was supposed to be our weekend together. It's a bigger pain in the ass than the Thanksgiving driving. I'm also irritated because we had all the kids last weekend and while I enjoy the kids its one HUGE noise fest and it seriously tries my patience by the end of the weekend. I need my weekends to myself inbetween our kid-weekends. 5 kids all in the same room for two and a half days, one of them with the volume control of "LOUD" only drives me crazy. Add in the bickering that goes on between the brothers............Fuck me is it over yet?

Don't get me wrong, I don't resent my kids, I resent not being able to relax on a weekend that I thought I was going to...a long weekend at that.


and . 

Twilight = Meh

Frankly I thought it was cheesey and was mighty disappointed. The female main character was so cold, why would a good looking guy fall for her? I wanted to put her away in the freezer with the icecream, not hope that she survived the attack. There were very few special effects, the movie had a lot of potential but fell waaaaaaaaaay short of what it could have been. I won't comment on the storyline as not all of you have seen it, but I sure won't be lining up to see the sequel!!

I'm so ready to wring my kids' necks!! ARGH!!! Every two weeks we have all of them together and every two weeks they thrash the house and every two weeks they go home like they've been on vacation and every two weeks I have to clean up the f***ing mess!!!! The older boys cleaned the dishes and when I went to put them away after they'd dried, they were so greasy that one slipped out of my hands and broke. This morning I went to clean the toilet and found dried on toilet paper and feces stuck to the brush. YUKKKKKKKKK!!! One of the older ones clogged the toilet yesterday and he was probably trying to clean up his mess but WHO LEAVES TOILET PAPER STUCK TO THE TOILET BRUSH???? The problem is that they leave before I find this stuff. I've tried talking to them, I've tried yelling at them, I've tried showing them how it's done. Golly gee, I guess next time he needs to be driven somewhere for a date, I won't be available!!! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!! That's just gross!!!

Most of you have heard about the terrible fires that were burning in Southern California. Our house was a half a mile from those fires in Brea. We voluntarily evacuated on Sunday morning due to really poor air quality more than anything.  We have a son in Yorba Linda that was under a mandatory evacuation and was safely moved to Costa Mesa. Doug was working on Saturday night and I thought I was going to have to evacuate myself that evening but fortunately the winds moved the fire in another direction and I didn't have to. People have asked me if I was scared and I really can't say that I was. Tense and alert, yes, but not scared. I put gas in my van, gathered up all our pet crates, pet food, litter boxes, heat lamps, leashes, put my purse and an overnight bag in the van and was ready to go at a moment's notice. In watching the news I saw the people were packing up as much as they could; pictures, documents, clothing, etc. I looked around and thought of all the precious things to me and all I really knew I couldn't replace was my pets. The rest is all material and quite frankly I would have appreciated it if my bills had burned! hehehehe I think being so close to death myself this year helped put it all in perspective. You can't take it with you when you're dead anyway, so is it really worth anything? We had alread lost everything once this year so to possibly loose it again didn't bother me. I've learned how quickly it can all go and am reminded that what I have really isn't mine anyway, it's just on loan to me for this life time. The only thing I would have truly missed was my kid's baby pictures, but they were burried so deeply in the garage that it would have made it harder to get out. On Sunday morning I woke up and had a hard time breathing and had a splitting headache. It smelled so badly of smoke that it felt like we were outside and I knew it couldn't be good for any of us so we packed up our German Shepard, Black Lab, 2 cats, kitten and 2 snakes and headed for Seal Beach where my boss lives. She's out of town and let us use her place till the air cleared. So on the other side we are, happy and healthy and once again thankful.

Trixie, my new kitten, has taken to trying to nurse on my neck at night. I usually detach her and set her back on the floor. Apparently last night I was so soundly asleep that I didn't feel her on my neck! ACK!!!!