I’m having a pretty rough day today. I feel very weak for some reason. Papa Bear reminds me I’m really not getting any nutrition and yesterday the only thing I ate was a bagel with cream cheese and a couple pieces of toast. I’ll have to work on doing better. I know part of my yukky feeling is because I have an Oncologist appointment today and I always worry. I’m fine in-between but about 2 weeks before the appointment I start to stress. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. You can’t not. Cancer 3 times will do that to you, it just is what it is. My second cancer came 7 years after the first so when they say that if you don’t have a re-occurance within five years, you’re cured…..NOT. I was given a 50/50 chance of survival after my 3rd cancer at the 5 year point. The survival rate for a 2 time colon cancer patient at 5 years is 63% but my oncologist said that with the 3rd cancer in my gallbladder popping up before the chemotherapy for the colon cancer was even done that he would have to lower the odds to a 50% chance at 5 years. He said that because I had the 3rd cancer when I did that he doesn’t think the chemotherapy worked at all for the colon cancer because otherwise the gallbladder cancer wouldn’t have been there. The gallbladder cancer was on the inside not the outside, so that meant that it was a whole new cancer on it’s own and not just metastasized from the colon. HOWEVER…..what they don’t take into consideration is that regardless of what my physical body goes through and no matter how beat up it gets, I belong to the Goddess and I’m not going anywhere till I’m done here and it’s time for me to go. Seriously, I should not be sitting here and writing this today. I let the first cancer go for 7 years before I was brave enough to do something about it. The second and third cancers were found by fluke only. Some would call it lucky, some would call it blessed, I call it “meant to be”. Nothing can take my life from me until it’s time for me to go….so I really should quit worrying about the other shoe dropping but that’s when my human side stumbles in and I let it get in the way. Seriously, having my “own room” again to write what I need to write helps so much! I already feel better just getting this out of my system. I had my blood work done last week and I’ll find out the results today but I’m sure I’ll be fine unless I’m not meant to be. Pretty simple when you look at it like that. I see him every 3 months for blood work. I used to have a CT scan done every 6 months but he didn’t want to give me additional radiation if not necessary so he stopped those and said we would not do another one until my blood work indicated that there was a problem. I’m ok with that. This coming October will be my 5 year remission anniversary for the colon cancer and February will be 5 years for the gallbladder. Obviously the gallbladder won’t be returning
Today’s Affirmation by Louise Hay: I accept my uniqueness.
I like that!
Blessings to all of you!